I felt so connected to my true self after working in Ayahuasca ceremony. Like nothing could touch me – I’d seen myself and my truth and everything else would just – align. I didn’t expect a post-Ayahuasca crash.
What I was not prepared for was my grand entrance back into society. I was fine for awhile…it was a gradual demise. Over the course of six months, I’ve managed to fall back on the majority of my old addictions, and have let my vibration level slip to a new low – borderline depression.
So what to make of it? Does it mean the Ayahuasca was just a temporary high with no lasting benefits? Or did I take for granted the fact that the lifestyle in the DC Metro area is a bit different than that of the Amazon Jungle, and it may be harder than I anticipated to carry the energies back into daily life.
Truth? I think it’s a combination of both. I know what the Aya did to me. I know that it showed me who I’m capable of being at this point in my life. But I also know now that I am not above succumbing to the society pressures of my hometown. Somehow I thought I’d be able to transcend it, and that it would somehow be a non-issue. I was terribly mistaken.
It Really Does Require Work
As far as the people from my group, some are in the same boat as I am, others have had an easier time. I have gone through periods of feeling sorry for myself, wishing it could just be miraculously ‘fixed’ like I thought the Ayahuasca was doing, and let me focus on ‘more important things’ without the work.
But, as I have known all along and didn’t want to admit once again, the work is part of the process.
Without the work, I’ll never learn the skills I need in order to get through even more intense times in the future. The good news? The more I can sustain and make it through, the more joy and adventure and FUN comes with it. I firmly believe that. You may not. I do.
So though Ayahuasca may not be the ‘magic pill’ I thought it was (damn, I really am an American aren’t I?) it has given me a gift that I never would have believed…it has shown me who I truly am and who I can truly be if I am willing to do the work.
At times, I’m just not willing. But those times don’t last too long, as the Universe will kick my ass until I get back on track. So I’m all good.
Not Giving Up
I am still going back to Peru for two months in January (three sessions…3x as much Ayahuasca!) and we’ll see what happens this time around. I have a feeling each trip will bestow new information onto me. Trust the process, as they always say. The lows always show me something positive eventually.
~ Meghan Shannon Elder (@beyond_meghan)
Ayahuasca Preparation and Integration Specialist at Beyond the Ceremony
Accelerated Spiritual Development Coach at Beyond the Whirlwind
To join our email list for events, trips to Peru and other opportunities, click HERE