Gossip sucks. No one claims to like or be a part of, and is most of the time considered a very superficial, annoying part of life. I have come to understand how dark, sneaky, and serious this little energy can be.
First of all, it is viral. It finds a weak spot in the closest person, and begins to bond with it, creating a kind of camaraderie feeling among the people being overtaken by these energies. It somehow makes them feel good to bond over something they don’t like.
Then, almost by default, it feeds the ego. Then it turns into, in not so many words, “what they are doing is wrong, and my view on it is right.” It feeds the darkness even more.
Gossip in Group Process
For people currently working in a group process, this kind of thing can serve as a great distraction from the tougher work within. It’s much easier to stay looking to the outside than it is to deal with one’s own reactions on the inside. Funny how somehow gossip gets exempt from the “how I deal with the issue, is the issue” rule.
It can toxify a group, and make it harder for those who are focused to do their work. The stronger ones break through their own judgments and address the appropriate people in conversation, the mid-levels may fall awhile then eventually come back into clarity, the weaker ones to their own egos may stew in the effects of the toxic tidal wave, turned into a long-term grudge.
Worse off, it often creates a conflict within the gossiper to the gossipee, throwing a dividing wall between two people where there was once love. With the connection temporarily severed, the built up energies become toxic, and move the two friends further and further apart, based on an assumption that may or may not be true.
Seeing Through It
The strong ones break through it and talk candidly about the situation, to clear it up. The weaker ones spin around until the friendship disappears.
It may then start to taint the eyes of the gossiper, now questioning the validity of the person’s character, and their relationship in the first place. The past literally becomes tainted by the present, sometimes past the point of recovery. And for what? Something that, again, may have more info than is obvious to the naked eye.
If it gets really bad, they turn other people off good things and good people, maybe even publicly – only to later realize they were simply having a process that involved unclear eyes. Making wake. Then everyone has to go back and undo the damage, if that’s even possible.
Venting is Different
Venting is the opposite. Instead of feeding the dark shit, it releases it, into a safe, non judgmental place. This is why it’s a blessing to have support from others who will help each other see our own egos when we’re blinded – because we want to diffuse the bomb, not fuel the fire.
This my vent. I’m pretty clear that it’s not coming from ego, but I leave room to be wrong. This is a pretty ego-y area in general, so it’s totally possible. I may come back later and say – okay oops, it was from ego and I couldn’t see it. But we’re all human, so if it’s ego, it’s ego.
Sometimes it’s Hard
Sometimes this job is extremely difficult, especially when you’re putting yourself out there to be shared. Dealing with not only my own purging, trying to check my ego, etc, then on top of that other people’s crap coming out to be released…well let’s just say the training can be extremely challenging.
The common thread that holds it all together, for me, is Love/God (same thing in my world.) The Medicine, being a physical manifestation of this, holds no judgments, it simply shows people where they are, and purges out as ready. Of course, free will wins, so an intention to actively work on ego is imperative, as it is the king of the blind spots.
Processing Personal Triggers around Rumors
I have sensed a distance from some of my friends, friends in the Medicine, as rumors are going around. It’s really only my own ego that cares, but as a human, it’s tough to hear blipits of things that are not even fully informed, tainting people on their own healing.
Of course this may be part of everyone’s growth, as it is mine, to be okay with people where they are in the process. This one may be a bit out of control at this point, which is why I’m choosing to share it publicly – not only to release it for myself, clear it for those participating in it, also to prevent others who may not know the situation to be clear from the start.
Feeling Obligated to Share Our Business
I have spoken in other blogs about the changing nature of Luco and my relationship. We had broken up in November, and reconnected almost immediately when I got back to Peru in January, after both going through some big learning and growth (that was very Divinely necessary). When we returned, we realized that though we do not see ourselves being in a long term romantic partnership (like a marriage) we still loved each other.
And why not be together while we’re face to face? Then be independent and let Life flow as it does the rest of the time? No one’s in a hurry, no one has an ‘end goal’ they are holding out for (a new freedom I found during the learning in between.) So, for lack of a better term, since then, we have been in an “open relationship.” We are being present, and it will last as long as it lasts in this form.
It’s a tricky thing, deciding how much of your love life to announce to people at Infinite Light. Apparently, since Luco was dating a girl from the village while I was gone, this caused many people to question his integrity (meanwhile, I was dating in the States – this was our agreement – which, by the way, was my idea – for all the ‘poor Meghan’ assumers.)
If it’s Becoming Problem, it’s Worth it
Questioning his integrity has caused them to question their own growth through working in his mesa, and open the Pandora’s box of shit talking. So to be very clear – we are both single. We are allowed to do whatever we want. We want the other one happy, and this is how we’re choosing to do it.
Maybe it is hard to swallow for some, but truthfully, it’s not anyone’s “problem” but our own. We are happy and clear with our setup – and to each his own if they choose to judge it. There is enough talk in a small village, but to to have it run around our people is just plain disrespectful.
Affecting Past Learning
Ultimately, the part that pains me the most is the tainting of people’s process. They left after learning so much, so grateful for what they have accomplished. Then come back to the consciousness more conducive to this stuff, surround themselves with others bonding on the common topic of our personal lives, spin it out of control, and their eyes change.
They forget what they learned. They forget what they were once working on in the Medicine (including ego and non-judgment.) They forget who we are as people.
The irony is, that some were concerned about me being hurt by Luco’s actions, which is why it became an issue for them. How funny that while I was happy and empowered by Luco and I’s new setup, what ended up hurting was the gossip around it. Good intentions gone awry, under the influence of sneaky energies.
Sharing My Process the Best I Can
This is my vent, and my training, and my issue. It is just sometimes really hard in this area. For me, I feel like I lose friends over something as trivial (or not so trivial) as gossip. Where the big picture goes, I don’t know. Where the gratitude of the life changing growth that gets “tainted” by new eyes, who the hell knows.
It’s hard to watch, especially when I can’t do anything until someone actually talks to me about it (some do, thank God). Some come back around after they realize, and some don’t. This is reality. This is life. The mantra I fall back to when shit is really hard, “keep in integrity, and keep walking.” Everything else is out of my hands.
Try to Suspend Judgment When Possible
Please, for this situation and all of life – recognize the severity of judgments, and gossip. It’s not just “something to do” in the office, or within friends or family. It is a divider, and for all of us that consider ourselves “spiritual” – it’s pretty far from unity. It’s so easy to judge something from the sidelines.
Even if you do, for some reason, seem to have all the accurate information – no one can see into the Divine ‘why’ except the person whose lesson it is. Some of the “worst” things are the best learning experiences. We can’t all know what’s going on behind the scenes. We, contrary to popular belief, are not God (or at least don’t have the same omniscience.) Leave room for there to be spiritual aspects beyond our individual understanding.
Inner Work and Compassion
Just like turning the lights off or throwing out litter to support the environment – anyone who is open to a challenge – please make an active effort not to participate in gossip. Call a thing a thing, recognize it for what it is, and do your part (and I’ll do mine) in not feeding more serious shit in disguise to break up connections.
Compassion, non-judgment, and communication are imperative to any kind of respectful relationship. Speak to the people that matter. And if you are in the middle of a group process now (at ILP or anywhere else) – hold your ground in focusing where you really want to.
Gossip is more dark and more damaging than I think most give it credit for. It is toxic, distracting, disrespectful and disruptive…and can taint other who catch its flu (possibly robbing them of important opportunities as well.)
We’re not in high school anymore.
Much love everyone, thank you for listening to my vent:)
~ Meghan Shannon Elder (@beyond_meghan)
Ayahuasca Preparation and Integration Specialist at Beyond the Ceremony
Accelerated Spiritual Development Coach at Beyond the Whirlwind
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