Meghan's Ayahuasca Apprenticeship

Ayahuasca Spiritual Development Articles

Meghan’s articles, from applied spiritual development in the Medicine, ego work to integration…

Ayahuasca Ceremony #100: What is Ayahuasca Really? (Updated)

What is Ayahuasca Really? What is Ayahuasca? The eternal question with an ever-evolving answer. Here is as much as I understand it as of May 12, 2009. Ayahuasca, in its physical form, is a medicinal plant mixture cooked, strained, and drank in sacred ceremony by shamans in the Amazon rainforest for...

Ayahuasca in Everyday Life: Applying the Medicine Wisdom

Ayahuasca in Everyday Life It's important to note that the Medicine is huge, and ways to apply Ayahuasca in everyday life are even more. The way I see it and approach it doesn't mean it is the way it is. I see it as similar to the Universe...a zillion spaces to work in, though (likely) one large system. The...

Energetics of Personal Internal Ayahuasca Medicine

Our Personal Internal Medicine In the world of Ayahuasca, deep in the Amazon rainforest, it is not uncommon for the shamans to refer to their own personal “Medicine”, almost as a separate, yet connected entity to “The Medicine” as we often refer to these plant spirits. But what does that mean? Who has...

Ayahuasca Shamanism: An Apprenticeship Perspective

Originally posted in Elephant Journal 3/13/14 I had no idea I'd be walking into full-blown Ayahuasca shamanic apprenticeship in the Amazon jungle. I was just getting a coca-leaf reading from a shaman.   He says the chant is for protection…. Wake up, quick breakfast, and head off to Hausao, an outskirt...

What Exactly is Ayahuasca Integration for the Spiritual Path?

What is Ayahuasca Spiritual Integration? We hear the term "integration" used often within the Ayahuasca community. It's for a reason. Without personal aftercare, acclimation and integration of our ceremonial experiences, a person can be left with newfound information they feel they can't use, sometimes...

Ayahuasca Spiritual Development vs a Spiritual Experience in Ceremony – What is the Difference?

Do you know the difference between Ayahuasca spiritual development and having a spiritual experience in ceremony? It's very important, and makes all the difference as to what changes in your world.   Which Track Are You On?   As the Ayahuasca Shamanic Medicine has steadily gained popularity over...

Ayahuasca Emotional Purging (After Ceremony and at Home)

Ayahuasca Emotional Purging One of the first things people thing of when it comes to Ayahuasca ceremony is the purging: the best friend/worst enemy puke bucket, the toilet paper rolls for inevitable eye and nose faucets, the exact path to be taken to the bathroom if it gets really bad. The physical purging...

Is the Blind Spot of Spiritual Arrogance Slowing Our Process?

What is Spiritual Arrogance? I know - the scary, sensitive, defense-producing sound of the word arrogance (especially when it's aimed at us.) Add 'spiritual' in front of it, and many of us are defending the truth of who we are at all cost, down to the very core of our being. Except - we're not. We're...

Two Sides of the Training Coin: Spiritual Development and Shamanic Apprenticeship

Meghan reflects on her fifteen years of spiritual development work and Ayahuasca shamanic apprenticeship, as well as the nature of intimacy in its purest form…

Beginning of the Personal Journals

2007. Peruvian Andes. Before it all began…

Coca Leaf Reading in the Andes

Please Note... These Ayahuasca Apprenticeship Journals are a compilation of actual journal entries (edited for readability), blogs, and experiences during my time in Peru and in the States beginning in 2007, continuing through the present (as in reality, it's all one big apprenticeship, no matter where I am...

Phase One: Initiation into Ayahuasca Apprenticeship

July 2007 – July 2008. Small village in the Peruvian Amazon

First Journey to Peru: Unknowingly Headed Towards Ayahuasca Shamanic Apprenticeship

Pre-Peru Journey The month leading up to Peru I was a mess. A total mess. I had gained back almost half of the 30 lbs I had lost on the raw vegan detox, I was eating fast food, drinking, smoking, my room was in shambles, my heart was aching over lost romance…all in all a low point in this lull of...

First Ayahuasca Ceremony: The Holy Shit Hour

Preparing for my first Ayahuasca ceremony   Well by now I was thoroughly excited and properly nervous for my first Ayahuasca ceremony in the Peruvian Amazon. We had been mulling over all day what this mysterious vine and plant/tree combination called Ayahuasca boiled down to a drink was going to be...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #2-5: Life Has Changed Forever

The Morning After First Ayahuasca Ceremony The morning after my first Ayahuasca ceremony, I was groggy and felt like a thousand pounds had been heaved from my stomach (that may be an accurate estimate.) I couldn't even think about eating. Yet I felt even better still. Eluco (the Peruvian shamanic...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #6: In the Village of the Shamans

Invited to the Shamans' Village? On the last day of the Ayahuasca program, the Buddhist women in the group comes up to me. "Hey Meghan, so I hear you're coming to the shamans' village with us after the program." Huh?  "What? I don't know what you're talking about." I am confused, but I have to admit, I'm...

Post-Ayahuasca Crash (No Magic Pills)

Post-Ayahuasca Crash I felt so connected to my true self after working in Ayahuasca ceremony. Like nothing could touch me - I'd seen myself and my truth and everything else would just - align. I didn't expect a post-Ayahuasca crash. What I was not prepared for was my grand entrance back into society. I was...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #7-11: First Emotional Purge

Return to the Amazon After my initial entrance into the world of Ayahuasca Medicine (see Ayahuasca Ceremony #1: The Holy Shit Hour), I had immediately booked another ticket to get back as soon as possible, running on the intuition that I may forget what I learned about myself, or how it feels to be with the...

Falling Fast Towards Ayahuasca Shamanic Apprenticeship and Love

Catching Real Feelings   So Luco and I had ten days in between groups at the Ayahuasca center. We'd finished one, and I'd pre-paid two more (not cheap either!) Ten days of actually having the opportunity to explore whether there was something real there, or this was one of those cliche 'gringa chick...

Formally Begin Ayahuasca Apprenticeship

Back to the Village We got back to the village, my first time in over six months, and I felt different. I felt like a person in actual Ayahuasca apprenticeship. Plus, I was now unofficially seeing Luco. That brought up a whole slew of other emotions and self-judgements as I worried what the people in the...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #12: Jealousy Builds

New Old Friends Jealousy has been a major problem in my life. It's rooted in deep insecurity, and something I haven't been able to even manage well, much less heal it. It could be a problem here. We met the Buddhist woman (who had been in my first group and come to the village my first time) in Iquitos, as...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #13: Jealousy Purges

Building the House So the construction of the house was underway, and Luco was constantly gone during day working on it. We had gotten the website up (planning to open in a few months) and were beginning to make plans with potential visitors. Having the Beautiful Girl around was starting to give me a...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #14-19/Plant Diet #1: The Reality of Village Life Sets in

Hard Intro into the Reality of Village Life We had heard rumors that a couple we knew from the program would be coming back. We headed back to Iquitos to find out. "Hi!" A warm reunion between Luco and the three of us ensued. Apparently they would be out here about a month, do a shamanic diet (absorbing...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #20: Village Gossip Brews a Storm

Village Gossip Begins to Brew So the Boyfriend (ex now?) and the Spunky One had been visiting for weeks and dealt with the village parents "presenting" their adult daughters to him competitively as the pair had broken up (see The Reality of Village Life Sets In). They had decided to give some money to the...

Searching for the Truth

Another Blow It was a relief getting back to the US and out of the drama for a little while. It was difficult as people continuously complemented me on how physically and energetically lighter and more attractive I had become. It was hard with my mixed feelings...I knew the Medicine had done it's work, but...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #35: Apprenticeship Rite of Passage Initiation

Commence Rite of Passage Integrity Test I had a game plan - needing to find out the truth. I was going to go on acting like everything was normal, and when I got there, present an option to Luco which will show me his true feelings. Then I would strategically keep everything cool with us, and adjust...

Hindsight from the Future (2012)

Hindsight from 2012 Reading over that story in hindsight (years after I wrote it) made me laugh out loud at parts. It was so insanely intense at the time - maybe the hardest thing I've ever done. But now, after four years of Medicine and experience, it blows my mind some of the things I believed (especially...

Phase Two: Deep into Ayahuasca Apprenticeship Between the Amazon and Home

August 2008 – August 2011

Reaching New Levels of Understanding

Reaching New Levels of Understanding So it's been awhile since I posted. I have been back from Peru for a couple of months now, getting ready to return and launch the Infinite Light program soon. New levels are coming, as well as the beginnings of transcending my teachers. It's funny, with Ayahuasca (and...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #180-184: Purging the Western Consciousness

Working on Purging the Western Consciousness Wow time is so crazy ... in some ways I feel like I just began my apprenticeship...the deeper I go, the bigger the picture gets. All the way to purging the Western Consciousness (well, chunks of it anyway). At the same time, my growth in the physical world...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #185/Plant Diet #5: The Hardest Ayahuasca Purge So Far…

Shamanic Diet - Leading to my Hardest Ayahuasca Purge so Far... Wow has it really only been two weeks since that last post? It seriously feels like a lifetime ago. It's a time-warp in the Medicine. And I'm warning you right now, words cannot do this thing justice. Everything I'm about to write was about 100...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #190: Breaking Through Insecurity

Not Done with the Emotional Purge Wow. Wow wow wow. Okay let me start at the beginning of this week, and try not to jump ahead! This is longer, but more stuff happened, so what can I do? 🙂 I'm doing what I previously thought impossible since it was so deeply rooted - breaking through insecurity. So after...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #191/Uchu Sanango Diet #2: Know When it is Time to Walk

Uchu-Sanango Diet So this round in Iquitos I did the same things as I did before, but I felt like a million bucks doing it with all that energy gone and the ego perspective not messing with my mind. I was so ready for another Sanango diet! I had no idea I'd be faced with the challenge of knowing it was time...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #197: Observing Ayahuasca Apprenticeship Pitfalls

Ayahuasca Apprenticeship Pitfalls (to name a couple) While nearing the 200 ceremony mark, it has been extremely interesting and beneficial to me to finally see others get into longer term work in the Medicine. Until now, I only had myself to compare myself to. I'm noticing more threads of Ayahuasca...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #203: Shedding the Serpent Skin

Blind Spots of Control I think I'm ready to shed the serpent's skin. The last group was unbelievable for me. I had been holding the intention since I got back, to level out the energy after a turbulent growth period (it basically leveled out on its own as soon as the collective purge was over.) So when I...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #207: Money Ego Judgement, Abilities Rise

Updates The last group was slow and steady. No blind leaps off rocky cliffs, no last minute dares out of moving traffic, no endless battle between my heart and ego. Just unfolding, unraveling, unlearning. A natural, smooth process of blooming, becoming, beyond. The old identity has dislodged, and all that’s...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #211/Plant Diet #6 with Crystals: Belief Systems Popping Loose like Weak Rubberbands

Belief Systems Popping Loose Wow things are really fun right now. Purging can be so cool once the heavy, confusing shit no longer clouds my beautiful mind:) I can't believe how time STRETCHED so wide and deep during a quick ten days. Gotta love smashing a belief system! Since the popping lose of the money...

Gossip Sucks

Gossip Sucks Gossip sucks. No one claims to like or be a part of, and is most of the time considered a very superficial, annoying part of life. I have come to understand how dark, sneaky, and serious this little energy can be. First of all, it is viral. It finds a weak spot in the closest person, and begins...

Holier Than Thou Pushes Anger to the Edge

Nature of Relationship It's been an emotionally eventful couple of weeks. Since the last post about gossip (which, though I'm happy I wrote it, did have an ego trigger in there) stuff has been churning up from the underground about all kind of things, grabbing the whirlwind with a small hook to it's nearby...

Riding the Tide into Heart Wounds

Heart Wounds It's amazing how quickly the blindside can slam you. Just when you settle into a nice, comfortable place...BAM! This is the life on an accelerated path. I'm not sure if I would pick this style each time - maybe next lifetime I'll live on the beach somewhere and paint (that would be the evolved...

Another Wave – SOOO Done with Annoying Defense Mechanisms!

Heart Wound Purging vs Defense Mechanisms Alright so there was another round of that last purge, but on a deeper level this time. With the wound extracted from Paul, I was able to handle getting even farther down the fear hole, hitting areas so vulnerable I hadn't been able to touch them in years, for fear...

Large-Scale Heart Purge/Relationship Training

Heart Purge and Relationship Training What a whirlwind! This heart-purge/relationship training was no joke. I've since learned that this has been a large-scale phenomenon (prep for 2012?) and it is nice to know I'm not alone. So as this cycle comes to completion, it's hard to articulate everything I've...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #216/Plant Diet #7 with Crystals: Substances

Shamanic Diet God it feels good to be back in the Medicine, and coming back to my real self after that monster of a purge. Most of the emotional volcano was complete before I left, now we're just sweeping up some energies and allowing the new (true self) belief systems to solidify into place. I decided to...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #221/Plant Diet #8: Cement Layers of US Consciousness Cracking

This has been one of the biggest breakthrough sessions I've experienced so far. So much of the three month heart purge at home, plus first session all building and leading up to this. I have a whole new perspective on the concept of longing. Doubt purges are especially difficult to move through (since the...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #225/Plant Diet #8: Do What it Takes

Who am I, Why am I Here, and am I Willing to do What it Takes? I've been back to the US for a little over a week, and things are still rolling like crazy. I don't even know where to start this blog because so much has happened since the last one, but here goes nothing. I'm learning to do what it takes to...

Rebelling Against Myself

Emergency Road Trip What can I say? I'm in an experience, for sure. Had a little last breath spin out on Catalyst boy for a minute, but it kind of fizzled down as that purge seems to be coming to completion. I'm developing the freedom to choose. It all came to a head last weekend, when I realized I was...

Six-Month Collective Consciousness Purge Completion: A Humble Wow

Long-ass Process to Collective Consciousness Purge Completion Yes, I know it's a boring, direct kind of title. But it's true. It's been a few weeks since it finally came to completion of this collective consciousness purge, thank f'cking God. That was one of the deepest core consciousness - hitting on fears...

The Layer Above My Soul: New Relationship, Old Triggers

New Relationship, Old Triggers I know it's been forever since I posted. Sometimes when I'm in the whirlwind, I can't see straight enough to form actual, coherent words. Until I can see it, I obviously can't articulate it. But here we are, in the midst of deep relationship triggers. So as many of you know...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #230: Time to Fly (Releasing Fear of Failure)

How Much Fear of Failure Do I Have? Wow. As I begin to emerge from the little cocoon I've been resting in, I'll be curious to see how it shows up; the integration of major foundational movement in Peru, plus application back in the US. And now it's on. It's up to me to decide how much I believe the fear of...

Phase Three: Ayahuasca Apprenticeship at Home (without Ceremony): Ground Level Society Consciousness Work (Pregnancy, Marriage, Divorce)

September 2011 – March 2019. DC Metro Area, United States

Pregnancy Week 6: The New Level is Arriving

Pregnancy Announcement Finally, the news is out! Yes world - my boyfriend and are are six weeks pregnant. What a beautiful gift!!! So funny how I had been getting all of these messages about the "next level" (why I assumed I would know what that looks like it beyond me!) Of course, now it would be taking...

Pregnancy Week 7, Day 3: Shamanic Reading for Baby

Shamanic Healing Institute On Tuesday, I decided to go get a shamanic reading for baby and some energy work done with Paul Sivert (the shamanic practitioner I have been working with in Maryland since 2006). Even before the pregnancy, I was feeling a strong draw back to the Andean tradition and energy of the...

Pregnancy Week 9, Day 5: Emergency Road Trip Saves the Day

Hormonal or not, I still had to get out of my own crappy energy. It is really hard to tell what's what - since there is a legitimate hormonal influx happening, as well as legitimate pregnancy exhaustion. Though when I look around me and start to see that my close relationships are suffering, justified or...

Pregnancy Week 9, Day 6: Thoughts on Selfishness

Judgements and "Selfishness" Just a little follow-up to yesterday's post... So I was talking to my boyfriend (babydaddy/partner/whatever you want to call him) and as I was venting my hurt/anger at what I was perceiving as judgment, a new level of clarity regarding selfishness came out. Whether the judgments...

Pregnancy Week 13, Day 5: Returning from Crazy Pregnant Lady Land (I Hope!)

Crazy Pregnant Lady Whirlwind You can tell it's bad when I don't post for three weeks. I'm trapped under something if I can't write - well as you can see I'm now breathing and alive and well. Nothing physically treacherous happened - just a hormone tsunami that knocked my ass underwater and caught me in the...

Pregnancy Week 14, Day 3: On Mothers and Daughters

Mothers and Daughters It's kind of sad that I almost don't want to post this - not wanting to be insensitive to the countless amount of people who, for whatever reason, did not or currently do not have the opportunity to experience what a mother's love can feel like. But if I am to keep to the integrity of...

Pregnancy Week 15, Day 3: On Prenatal Training, Deep Fear Release and Living Authentically

Deep Fear Release Pregnancy has really been a ride. But it all makes sense. The hormones, my fears, everything. It's a crazy process - but quite logical at the same time. The hormones take away my ability to fake it, stuff it, or pretend it's not there. Some things may be exaggerated, but in reality...

Pregnancy Week 15, Day 6: Nurturing the Wild Side

Slowly Losing My Wild Side Babies, cribs, health insurance. Moving in with my boyfriend in a couple of months. The fear of my soul being swallowed by "domestic life" is up and roaring - some of it has purged, and while I wait for what's left to release, transform, integrate, or at least calm itself, I can't...

Pregnancy Week 16: Refining My Rebel

The Rebel So I'm trying to get into the habit of blogging at least every weekday morning. Sometimes it may be just thoughts in my head, from the past, present or future. So I'm at 16 weeks today: 4 months pregnant. Fast and slow at the same time. I find myself refining the nature of my inner rebel. Fear of...

Pregnancy Week 16, Day 2: On People-Pleasing, Judgment, and Being Human

On People-Pleasing "People-Pleasing" (or lack thereof as of late) has been a topic of conversation since I've been pregnant. It's an interesting phenomenon for me - what it feels like to be bitchy for a period of time. In a way I think it's good for me. Sound crazy? The Arrogant Ego Aspect You know, I have...

Pregnancy Week 18, Day 3: Past Life Stranglehold

Down the Rabbit Hole So since facing some of the fear that caused the push/pull with relationships, I've since gone even deeper into the rabbit hole, all the way to past lives. The energetic "tectonic plates" shifted underneath, allowing me for a more firm footing in partnership, which was a necessity for...

Ayahuasca Ceremony #236/Pregnancy Week 24: A Gift from Mother to Mother

Preparation for Mother and Baby   Amazing, simply amazing. A new level of preparation indeed. First of all, I was nervous about writing this blog. The words I would choose, the fear of being judged. It's not fair for me to expect a person who has not worked sufficiently with the Medicine to truly...

Creation and Home Waterbirth Spiritual Ceremony

Part One: The Backstory and Pregnancy The Flow was unmistakable. Sometimes I just can't question these things, no matter how they may appear on the outside. But when the Divine is guiding and my hands are up, the spirits/God/Source (whatever label) always seem to come up with a genius plan that I never...

Internal Struggle of Women: Lilith vs Eve

Let me begin by saying, I am in no way, shape or form a Christian scholar. I am the quintessential "spiritual not religious" type who looks for Spirit in everything, where I believe it always exists. The interesting parts of the Lilith and Eve story is how I see it present in society as archetypes in our...

Phase Four: Working in Tandem on a Whole Other Level

March 2019 – Current. DC Metro Area, US. Please note – Zach’s post are omitted here but on the front page…

Crumbling Massive Structures: Co-Dependence and Femininity

Through this new process, Meghan begins to recognizing a long-standing pattern of co-dependency underneath her relationships, and how that structure is messing with the purity of the connection. Also newfound discovery of internalized misogyny that was messing with her ability to see herself and sexuality…

Two Sides of the Training Coin: Spiritual Development and Shamanic Apprenticeship

Meghan reflects on her fifteen years of spiritual development work and Ayahuasca shamanic apprenticeship, as well as the nature of intimacy in its purest form…

Healing Core Beliefs (and new techniques we are learning!)

Meghan has a huge emotional purge in regards to her feelings for Zach (and the old deep beliefs that come with it). Zach has a deep healing of an inner child who felt he had to “do” for others in order for him to be loved. Plus new spiritual techniques they both learned in the process…

The Impact of Deep-Seated Insecurity and Body Image Constructs

To see from the beginning of this partnering process, click HERE Judgement and Communication Since my mega-purge and Zach's love ceremony, so much has continued to shift over the last couple weeks that it's hard to keep up with. Some of the most important pieces that I've taken out of the last round of work...

Sexual Energy Lockdown and Body Image Constructs

Meghan discovers her trapped sexual feelings towards Zach on lockdown – leading down the rabbit hole to body image constructs needing attention

New Type of Earth Relationships? Cups Runneth Over…

Meghan releases a huge amount of jealousy in order to reveal her truth underneath of what unconditional love and connection really looks like, no matter what earth bodies we may inhabit…

I Dont Owe You My Body: Two Old Structures Collide

Meghan inadvertently purges a neediness regarding affection all over Zach, playing out an old pattern. This in turn, provokes an old one in his about his gayness once again getting in the way of connecting. Do they make it through healing the clash of such deep-rooted, painful structures?

Uncovering Roots

Meghan discovers where her “original rescuer” is born from, as well the craving for physical affection

The Shadows of Fear’s Illusion

Meghan discusses the difference between energetic constructs that are actually there, vs what is a fear of what used to be…

Resources I Trust

Chacruna.net – General Ayahuascsa information

Tina Kat Courtney  – Shamanic Life Coaching for Shadow Work, Spiritual Crisis, and the Preparation and Integration of Plant Medicines